WITH JUST a measly 6 counties issued with a Status Orange weather warning, fears are growing that Storm Lorenzo (née Hurricane Lorenzo) won’t even be severe and cataclysmic enough to secure you the day off.
“Fuck sake,” offices up and down the country uttered upon hearing that while the storm will still bring dangerous and hazardous conditions the fact it makes landfall on the west of Ireland during Thursday night means employers will not need to close businesses to ensure the safety of their workers.
The news is all the more tragic when you consider the position of Friday the 4th in the calendar; an ideal day to help break up the month, which also includes a bank holiday Monday. However, it is becoming more and more clear that Storm Ophelia Set unrealistic expectations for how much craic a storm could be.
“While not the result we were hoping for, the latest data we’re seeing suggests Lorenzo will still be good for a solid excuse for being late for work,” shared Alan Claggan, chief Sly Day Off Procurement Officer for the Nation.
The status orange warning is not thought to be severe enough to put auld lads off going for a 6am swim in the Atlantic ocean as no weather warning severe enough exists to keep people from needlessly engaging the time and resources of rescue crews.
Elsewhere large groups of racists have begun gathering along the west coast protesting the arrival of a ‘foreign’ storm attempting to make landfall on the Irish coast.