Republicans Refuse To Be Outdone When It Comes To Bonfires


“THAT’S not a bonfire, this is a bonfire,” confirmed a group of ‘Republicans’, known to their own community as dissidents and juvenile thugs, as they put their Loyalist neighbours’ recent bonfire efforts to shame with their own creation in New Lodge.

“Didn’t even get the riot police called on yis, did ye?” added the individuals responsible, fairly chuffed with themselves after the bonfire, lit to mark the anniversary of internment in Northern Ireland, resulted in the men terrorising their own community.

Sources close to the bonfire building section of the Loyalist community have admitted to letting their standards ‘slip’ as their recent efforts barely made the news in the UK and Ireland.

“We’ll have to start planning right away for similarly idiotic and damaging behaviour, so we have in place for next July,” shared one Unionist, who admitted to feeling like a fool for not critically injuring anyone recently.

The self-appointed brave Republicans, with an average age of 12 and a collective IQ to match, admitted that despite there being thousands of better ways to mark the targeted and unjust policies of previous British governments, they couldn’t resist trying to outshine their Loyalist counterparts in the bonfire and needless violence department.

“I’m a bit confused,” confirmed one 15-year-old Republican who vividly recalls living through the policy of internment in the 1970s, “I woke this morning and it’s not a United Ireland? But we lit the big fire?”.

Stormont officials couldn’t be reached for comment on the incident as the phone lines were disconnected over 933 days ago.