Do You Qualify For Medicinal Cannabis?

AS the HSE continues to mull over the merits of medicinal cannabis, several long-term sufferers of illness that may benefit from the drug have started to wonder whether or not they will be able to avail of it, and when. The answer so far is simple; maybe, and sometime.

Minister For Health Simon Harris has already signed off on the use of medicinal cannabis for a certain number of patients suffering a certain type of ailments that meet a certain criteria, and has vowed to stick to his tried and tested ‘suck it and see’ approach to the scheme.

Although thousands of sufferers of chronic pain conditions around the country have expressed dismay at the uncertainty over when they may be able to be prescribed medicinal cannabis, the cost of the treatment and whether or not it will be covered by their healthcare plans, the HSE have expressed no real need to clear that kind of thing up anytime soon.

“All we’re saying is that if you’re in pain right now, what’s another few months?” stated a spokesperson for the spokesperson for the aide to a confidante of someone in the HSE.

“So you can’t walk today; did you have plans for tomorrow? You can’t see shit at the minute? It’ll all still be there this time next year! Just bear with us, okay. We’ve a lot on our plates, we can’t be expected to know whether or not people who are sick will be offered an opportunity to get better. Hardly our fucking job, is it?”

Meanwhile, Minister Harris has agreed to follow up on the matter, until such a time as he’s paid his dues in Health for long enough and he gets put on literally any other portfolio.