Harris To Spend Day Rolling Big Fat Ones

MINISTER For Health Simon Harris is to spend a day ‘on the ganja’, as the government’s plans to provide legal medicinal cannabis to people who beg them enough, WWN can confirm.

Having never ‘puffed a doobie’ before, Harris will now undergo a day-long ‘weed induction session’ to familiarise himself with cannabis usage, and has prepped his home for whatever comes next.

“I understand ‘the munchies’ are a thing, so I’ve stocked up on plenty of fresh fruit and water for when the high kicks in,” Harris said in a down-with-the kids type of tone, while now listening to Dr. Dre’s 2001 album and rolling a number of ‘blunts’ to tide him through today, “I’ve also got the PlayStation here ready to go, and plenty of Dioralyte and Vitamin C for the ‘come down’.

“With a bit of luck, I won’t ‘go on a whitner’,” he added, before lighting a joint and burning his nice new €500 shirt with a nodge burn.

Following several inhales, a fit of coughing and an existential crisis, Mr. Harris crawled under his office desk to phone his PA and cancel all scheduled meetings and appointments for the remainder of today, stating he’ll ‘definitely do them tomorrow, once the fear subsides’.