Meet The Brain Surgeon Helping People Remove Memories Of Michael Jackson


FOR the large majority of people growing up in the 70s, 80s and 90s the memory of Michael Jackson was one of an inspirational genius who, through his music and dance, changed the entertainment world for the better, but what now for the confusing memories of the groomed generation who were hoodwinked by the King of pop?

Meet brain surgeon Dr. Kevin Whelan, who has developed a unique keyhole procedure which allows him to erase any memory of Michael Jackson from a human subject, whereby the day-patient is in and out in under five hours, leaving them Jackson free. Already there is a lengthy waiting list for the operation.

“We apply a local anaesthetic to the area of the head so the patient is fully awake during the procedure,” Dr. Whelan explains. “To find the exact area of the brain that harbours Michael Jackson memories we use an electrical probe while the patient sings the lyrics to songs like Leave Me Alone or Beat It.

“When the patient fails to remember the songs, we know exactly the area to focus on and we simply burn away the memories using a surgical laser – it’s that easy”.

However, side effects have been flagged by some patients with one man reporting the memory loss of the 1969 moon landing and a peculiar confusion when it comes to recognising bubbles.

“Yes, there has been some small hiccups when it comes to other memories being affected,” added the surgeon, “but in the grand scale of things, it’s a small price to pay in order to totally erase that paedophile who fooled you all your life from your mind, shamone”.

Other reported side effects include irrational fear of white gloves and Macaulay Culkin.