Brexit: What If It Works?


UNCERTAINTY still haunts the UK’s impending exit from the EU, with fears that a no-deal Brexit will cause unending economic misery to not just the population of Great Britain, but also to the greater Eurozone as shockwaves rupture through the markets.

But one political expert has envisioned an even worse fate than a no-deal exit; the terrifying consequences of what happens is Brexit, against all odds, works.

“Putting the threat to the structure of the EU to one side for a moment, can you imagine just how fucking obnoxious the Brits would be if that happened?’ asked Dr. Heinrich Otterman, discussing contingency plans for if Brexit passes without any hiccups.

“Can you honestly picture the likes of Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson and Michael Gove with their ‘I told you so’ faces on, gloating about how they were right all along? Jesus Christ, they’re sickening even now, when they’re racked with fears over being dragged into the street and crucified over lying to the British public and dooming them to a generation of hardship”.

Dr. Otterman, one of Europe’s leading ‘What If?’ men, went on to outline the impact on EU citizens should Britain pull off the impossible.

“Before we even consider other countries looking to copy Britain and leave the EU, we have to deal with how fucking smug these pricks would be,” continued Dr. Otterman, flicking through a serious of slides with ‘oh fuck no’ written on them.

“It’s… inconceivable. Gammon-faced English people celebrating in every street across the country. The Irish Prime Minister, looking even more gormless than usual. Theresa May dancing like she’s never danced before. Jacob Rees-Mogg actually smiling; smiling! Mother of God…”.

Although Dr. Otterman’s doomsday scenario seems bleak, the rest of the EU remain confident that the UK are on track to fuck everything up as planned.