Local Man Still Pretending To Like Sports Just To Fit In


YET another sad chapter has been added to the life of fake sport enthusiast and local man, Cian Kearney. With the awkward and drawn out appeasement of his sport made friends occurring this time in a Tramore pub, WWN can exclusively reveal.

Kearney once again fired off some bog standard sporting cliches in a bid to communicate with his long time, sport mad friends who refuse to speak about non-sporting things such as politics, work or emotions.

Flitting between punching the air with aggressive enthusiasm and calling a sportsperson on the screen who was just trying their best ‘a completely useless cunt’, Kearney appeared to his friends as someone who was completely besotted with sport.

“Can’t wait for more sport later on. Yeah can’t wait, where are we watching the, eh, the sport lads?” Kearney ventured as mates Liam, Chunky, Dibs and Gavin raced through non-stop sporting stats, facts and figures for over an hour, uninterrupted in Tramore’s ‘Sports Bar’ which has over 100 large HD TV screens and projectors.

“I like pints with the lads, but I think we were 15 when we last had a non-sport conversation. It’s too risky to just come out with it and admit I don’t know the offside rule in football or rugby. They have one rugby, did you know that? I nearly fucked up on that one big time the other week,” a visibly cagey Kearney explained.

Kearney spent the rest of the evening in the pub glazing over and quietly staring at his pint as his friends marveled at Manchester United’s recent turn around in fortunes.