GLANCING at the home screen preview of the latest prayer notification on his iPhone Xs, God the Almighty made a mental note to look up how to turn off the ‘blasted notifications’ once and for all, which are now running into the tens of billions.
“Dear God, please take care of my grandad as he is very…” pinged yet another preview, as the 5-billion-year-old now began planning the final stages of Earth’s total annihilation.
“Right, fuck this, I couldn’t be arsed looking up how to switch this off,” he muttered, “now, where did I put those doomsday comets?
“Ah balls, I used them on those ridiculous dinosaurs – what on earth was I thinking with them things?”.
“Praise Allah, please, can you bring world peace to the…” pinged another.
Now desperately looking for anything to make the humans stop pestering him, God picked up his trusty magnet and began shifting the poles.
“Hopefully this will cause a huge flood and they’ll all be… no, no wait. I promised them I wouldn’t!” now remembering his rainbow promise, before deciding just to open the prayer app’s settings to see if he could figure out how to turn off the notifications himself.
“Oh! That was actually quite easy. We’ll keep you little shits for another day,” he then concluded.