Fine Gael & Fianna Fáil Caught Holding Hands In Dáil Canteen


DESPITE insisting the renewal of the Confidence and Supply deal is not a sign that the two parties are carbon copies of one another and yet further proof that they are taking the Irish public to the cleaners, Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael were caught lovingly holding hands underneath the table at lunchtime in the Dáil canteen.

Just hours after posturing on the steps outside the Dáil, and separately praising the new deal while highlighting that really the two parties are completely different and dislike each other intensely, FF and FG were busy scribbling each other’s names into their notebooks before drawing a heart around it.

TDs not belonging to the two largest parties in the Dáil watched on aghast as the 49 TDs of Fine Gael brazenly canoodled with the 44 Fianna Fáil TDs while in the canteen, prompting Mary Lou McDonald to drop her lunch tray and proclaim “the fuck is this? So you’re not even hiding it anymore?”

“OK, so maybe, once upon a time they didn’t even talk to each other, but they’ve got that chemistry and sexual tension that can only come from a real sensual lust for power. They’re mad about each other,” confirmed one onlooker who had never seen such public displays of affection from power hungry political parties before.

With the Confidence and Supply deal renewed Fine Gael have been granted the opportunity to continue to ignore and underserve the marginalised, the poor and the hard-working but low-earning portions of the population.

“We couldn’t have done it without you,” one Fine Gael member said to Fianna Fáil as their fingers caressed the hands of their fierce rivals who have agreed to oppose nothing important.

“This is such squad goals. We’re like Beyonce and Jay Z or poverty and no State intervention. We just click so well, such a power couple,” added one Fianna Fáil member as she spoon fed Fine Gael lasagna like it was the votes needed to stop any party other than Fine Gael passing a bill.

Sources close to the loved up parties suggested that a messy break up is expected sometime in 2020 at which point everyone involved will claim they never even liked each other and if they were being honest they’d never heard the Fianna Fáil/Fine Gael before.