Dr Taoiseach To Give A&E A Dig Out Over Winter


MAKING a complete u-turn on earlier comments that all hospital workers, including consultants, nurses and back-up staff must work “at full whack” over the Christmas holidays, doctor-turned-Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has canceled his lengthy seasonal holidays from the Dáil and vowed to ‘scrub in’ alongside the overworked, under-resourced staff of Irish hospitals.

“Leo always has his sleeves rolled up like he’s ready to pitch in and help with anything and everything, but now thankfully he might actually finally do it,” confirmed one 81-year-old patient on a trolley, who will be seen to sometime in the middle of 2019.

The Fine Gael leader’s comments were initially interpreted as a ‘massive fuck you’ to frontline staff in A&E departments, who coincidentally are looking for a pay increase, however his selfless decision to transform into Dr. Taoiseach Leo Varadkar over the Christmas period when he’s usually on a month’s holiday has been praised.

“This almost makes all the cuts, failures to recruit consultants and nurses, inability to make good on promises of mental health reform all worth it,” confirmed one ecstatic nurse who presumes all senior HSE managers and administrators won’t been granted extended holidays over Christmas either.

Citing the fact that successive governments have rolled out a ‘winter plan’ every year for past 15 years only for them to fail, Dr Taoiseach has said his government will try something different in the shape of further damaging the non-existent morale among nurses and doctors by banning any extended leave and making it sound like the health service barely functioning is all their fault.

Asked by consultants if he intended on solving the clear recruitment problems facing the HSE or reversing the disparity in pay levels between consultants appointed before and after 2012, Dr Taoiseach declined to give an answer upon arriving in A&E to give a dig out stating “Sorry pal, I’m only here for the selfies”.