Don’t Like Millennials? Then You’ll Hate These Little Bastards


WHEN it comes to laying blame on someone for the current state of the world, Millennials are the perfect group to point the finger at. They’re young, whiny, they all seem to be fairly good looking and they all have it much better than we did, and you never heard us complain.

From driving up house prices with their avocado toast, to single-handedly wrecking the economy by misappropriating what they did with their communion money, Millennials have taken a perfectly good world with a fully-functioning monetary system and a just, honest and fair parliamentary process that ensured equal rights for everyone and just, well, they just fucked it all up, didn’t they?

With today’s current crop of young folk getting too old to just sit back and let everyone blame them for the state of the place, fears were growing that perhaps blame might shift onto older generations… luckily, there’s a new batch of babies, some not even born yet, and just you wait until you see how they’re going to fuck the world up.

“Millennials? You ain’t seen nothing yet” said World Blame Co-Ordinator Pierce Winglan, looking at a wall covered in ultrasound pictures.

“There’s a generation of kids that are about to be born, and some of them are already here, and they’re going to be responsible for everything bad over the next 20 years. Massive economic recessions, that’s their fault. Soaring oil prices, more bloodshed in the Middle East, you can blame these lot. Just look at them up there, with their smartphones and their fucking… umbilical cords. No regard or respect for older generations, you can rest assured they’ll be pointing the finger at us going ‘WAAAHHH, why did you vote this way’, ‘WAAAHHHHH, why did you sell the planet for a handful of magic beans, leaving us nothing except sickness and poverty, WAAHHHH’… fucking state of them, they make me wanna puke”.

Millennials themselves are looking forward to the arrival of the new batch of scapegoats, with many admitting that they feel bad blaming the next generation for everything, it’s just nice to be out of the crosshairs for once.