Mike Tyson Reassures Ronaldo Everybody Forgets About It Eventually


AS reports of accusations of rape made against the world’s most recognisable athlete, Cristiano Ronaldo, slowly but surely begin to make page 48 of a few newspapers, boxing legend Mike Tyson has spoken publicly to reassure Ronaldo people just sort of forget about you raping someone sometimes when you’re famous enough.

Tyson, jailed for 6 years after being found guilty of raping an 18-year-old woman in 1992, found it remarkably easy to be welcomed back into the sporting world once he was released and has insisted that most people will forget about it all soon enough and Ronaldo can just get back to being Ronaldo.

“You’d think people, brands, football clubs and especially fans would take a stand but they don’t and they won’t. Yes, it’s an incredibly depressing thought but if I was Ronaldo I wouldn’t worry, it’ll be fine,” Tyson revealed, in his unmistakable voice which initially entered a ‘not guilty’ plea in his trial on rape charges but went on to secure massive pay days in boxing bouts once released from prison.

Despite Nike releasing a statement which saw the company taking the allegations against Ronaldo very seriously, Tyson, who has some experience in the field of everyone forgetting about heinous crimes thanks to the fact you are still a marketable star who can make people money, is adamant rape really isn’t something that will stop a career.

“He’s probably worried, thinking ‘God, everyone is going to abandon me, I’ll be fired, I’ll go to jail, I’ll lose my sponsor deals once people read up on the shocking and horrid details’ but trust me, if I was Ronaldo I’d just be looking forward to starring in The Hangover 2. Just like I did, despite it being well known I was a convicted rapist,” an affable Tyson reassured.

Elsewhere Ronaldo’s club Juventus have confirmed they are unwilling to read reports about the Portuguese man as they’ve spent a lot of money on him and it’s very important to their brand that he goes on to sell a lot of football jerseys no matter what he may have done a million years ago in 2009.