Ryanair To Remove One Wing From Each Plane In Cost Cutting Exercise


ITS no surprise to those with knowledge of Michael O’Leary that the Ryanair man has triumphed yet again in a bid to reduce costs, maximise revenue and ensure customers get the cheapest flights imaginable.

Ryanair have once more turned to innovative practices within the aviation industry to ensure they remain top of the pile, this time axing one wing from every plane in its fleet which could save the airline as much as €1 billion euro over the next few years.

A flicker of O’Leary’s business genius has reemerged from the shadows after months of battling with unions and plotting a way to poison all union leaders without getting caught.

“The sawing began at about 7am this morning,” confirmed one contractor tasked with hacking the wings off existing Ryanair planes, “one less wing is one less thing to have to maintain, repair and constantly check up on”.

All excess wings will be sold on the airlines in Southeast Asia and all new Ryanair planes ordered will come with expressed instructions to stop at just the one wing.

“Customers will always complain, you can’t please every moany bastard,” O’Leary said, responding to criticism of the cost cutting exercise.

“Can they fly? Look, we’ll just have to give it a crack and regardless of whether or not it works, we’ll be playing that annoying arrived on time music”.