Roxanne Pallett Burned At The Stake

CHANNEL 5, producers of the reality TV show, Celebrity Big Brother have confirmed that Roxanne Pallett has been burned at the stake this morning in front of hundreds of CBB fans after admitting to lying about being assaulted on the show.

Cheered on by the manic crowd, presenter Emma Willis ignited a wooden staff wrapped in cloth and drenched in paraffin oil before teasing the gathered audience.

“Will we burn her?” Willis cried, eyes now as wide a saucers, “I can’t hear you… will we burn her?”

Following torrents of screams begging for the 35-year-old to be burned, Willis slowly walked over to the wooden base of Ms Pallett’s stake, before winking at her and setting her alight with the burning staff.

“You won’t be lying anymore on my show,” the now aroused Willis barked in excitement, before standing back from the whoosh of the engulfing flames as Roxanne Pallett begged for her life, “burn you fucking bitch… burn!” added the crowd, in no way manipulated by TV producers who have gotten just what they wanted, shouted.

The celebrity burning, which was aired live at 9am this morning on Channel 5, was later defended by the show’s producers who pointed to a contract stipulating that any form of false allegations against another housemate would end in assassination, either by character, or physical.

“Roxanne opted for the latter, so we just tied her to the stake this morning and burned her alive in front of an angry mob,” a spokesman for the show explained, “yeah, sure, she could have had some mental health problems and that is why she said what she said, but look, where would the fun in that be if we couldn’t just burn her alive publicly like this – there’s a sort of satisfaction in just immolating up someone like that”.