Lotto’s Massive Cheque Writer Retires Aged 87


THE LARGE novelty cheques which are a common sight in the Lotto HQ offices and awarded to jackpot winners risk going unsigned following the news of Douglas Creffin’s retirement.

Creffin, 87, was the Lotto’s one and only novelty cheque signatory owing to his incredibly long arms which must be retired once and for all after the elderly man began to suffer the ill effects of carpal tunnel.

“The workload used to be light enough, the odd cheque here or there, but now there’s jackpots coming out of every nook and cranny, my poor arms aren’t able,” explained the man famed for being able to stretch a signature across several metres in one swift flick of the wrist.

Senior Lotto officials have put the call out for other long-armed people to make themselves known to them in a bid to ensure the time-honoured practice of having ecstatic people holding gargantuan cheques aloft in celebration does not become a thing of the past.

“It’s tough enough going trying to fit those massive things through the doors of a bank and imagine if after all that you don’t even have someone who can sign it on behalf of the Lotto, so you can see the long armed void Douglas’s retirement leaves,” explained one Lotto expert”.

Douglas had initially hoped to continue with his duties but when he heard a rumour Lotto officials were inventing a new day of the week, Winday, to make room for all their jackpot winners, he made the decision to hang up his pen.

“He gets visceral flashbacks any time he sees a fountain pen, doesn’t even have to be a novelty size large one,” concluded the Lotto expert.