Over 1,500 People Rescued From Irish Potholes Last Year

A STAGGERING 1,567 people were rescued from potholes on Irish roads last year, new Central Statistical Office figures have shown.

The report on Irish road maintenance published by the CSO found that at least five people are trapped in road potholes at any one time, and claimed that more money is being spent on rescuing people from holes than actually fixing them.

In one instance in county Tipperary, a father of 3 who had been missing for 8 months was found in a malnourished state at the bottom of one pothole in Ballingarry, surviving only on insects, earthworms and hydrating with rainwater.

“It was only when an elderly lady driving a Fiat uno drove into the hole that the man was discovered,” an eyewitness to the incident told the report, “it just makes you wonder how many more people are stranded in potholes in Ireland”.

Rural Irish roads that don’t have a TD in the locality were found to be the most dangerous roads to travel on, while roads with TDs found to be the safest.

Surprisingly, county Kerry roads were found to contain the least amount of potholes in rural Ireland, thanks to some TDs who own and run their own road maintenance companies.

“They’ll promise to fix the roads, but they’ll make sure it’s them contracted to do the fixing,” explained one Kerry resident.

Defending the dilapidated state of the country’s rural roads, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar pointed out that a general election has not yet been called for the country.

“What are politicians supposed to promise people if all the roads are fixed?” he put, “because lets make this clear; it’s sure not going to be housing, health or homelessness any time soon”.