Earth Unravels Overnight Leaving It Flat


US SPACE Agency NASA has confirmed that an unknown gravitational pull has somehow unravelled the earth overnight, leaving it flat.

Hundreds of thousands of orbiting satellites reported system failures at approximately 3.37am GMT Monday morning leaving them floating helplessly in space with no defined orbit to circle as the earth became longer than it is high.

“It seems the continental shelves along the pacific rims had come apart early this morning and just unraveled,” a NASA spokesman explained in an emergency press conference today, “we’re not sure if the earth will somehow ravel back up into itself anytime soon, but there are going to be quite a few changes if it doesn’t”.

Now the only flat planet in the solar system, the earth has also veered off slightly with its own orbit around the Sun, now spinning in an oblong manner forcing the moon to detach from its gravitational pull.

“As many people may have noticed, there was no moon last night,” local astronomer Dr. David Ryan told WWN, “this could spell disaster with our tides and ecosystems here on earth, so prepare for the worst”.

So far hundreds of ships and airplanes are currently unaccounted for since the unravelling, with fears they may have simply flown or sailed over the side of the earth. A worldwide red alert warning has been put in place, grounding all transcontinental flights.

More as we get it.