CONFIRMED: Ireland’s Next Referendum Will Be On Making Wearing Socks With Sandals Illegal


THE unrelenting dedication and force with which campaigners and civil society groups met the campaign for the repeal of the 8th amendment with has left many people wondering what remaining bastions of a cold, conservative and hateful society were to be torn down next.

Well, with an announcement from the government today we have our answer: wearing socks with sandals.

“For far too long we have turned a blind eye to one of the most egregious and horrid acts in modern Ireland, but later this year, the country can vote to change this,” read a speech from Taoiseach Varadkar.

Pairing socks with sandals, be it at home or abroad, is worryingly on the rise, and if witnessed by a member of the public has been known to completely ruined their day altogether and often cause dry retching or vomiting.

“I knocked on every door up and down this country, begging, pleading, convincing people to vote Yes. I cried when the results came in. But I’m not done yet, socks paired with sandals are next,” remarked one anti-socks with sandals campaigner who can’t believe such a practice is still legal in 2018.

While many men of a certain age or a certain fashion-deficient lifestyle seem to be the group who have the most to lose in the upcoming S&S referendums, campaigners have reminded the media this isn’t a men’s only issue.

“In fairness some women have diabolical fucking fashion sense altogether. It’s not cool, it’s not trendy, it’s hideous,” screamed one campaigner through a megaphone in front of a raucous anti-S&S crowd, believed to number in excess of 500,000 people.