Man Now On 41st Attempt To Get Contact Lenses In


CURSING non-stop for the last hour at no one in particular, a now severely red-eyed Waterford man is on his 41st attempt to get his ‘bastarding, fucking shitebag of a contact lens’ onto his eyeballs.

Afflicted with the frustrating trait of closing his eyeballs when they should be open, Sean Morgan (32) failed to secure his contact lens yet again, leading him to grow more and more angry, and is now on the verge of tears.

“Take me now death, envelope me in your warm embrace,” Morgan said, perhaps overreacting to the recent spate of failed attempts at latching his contacts into his eyes despite following all 1,456 contact lenses tutorials he has watched since first using lenses.

Morgan, a normally rational individual, could be heard by his family screaming and shouting within the walls of the bathroom for the past 25 minutes, as the father-of-two’s morning took a frustrating turn.

“Don’t mind daddy, he’s just putting in his contacts,” Morgan’s wife Anna reassured their children following cries of ‘I’ll fucking kill you if you try this shit again you cunt of a thing’ being administered by Morgan, while also thrashing about loudly.

Despite thousands of people suffering from an inability to gracefully apply contact lenses on the first try, it is believed the world’s leading scientists are focused on finding solutions to less important things, such as cancer.