Are Things Going That Bad In Life That You Have To Settle For Niall?


REALLY? Niall? As in Niall Niall. But you said you didn’t even like him?

Honestly, we’re confused. No, look this is on us, we had no idea your life had gone off the tracks so spectacularly. We should have seen the signs, and like, asked if you wanted to meet for coffee or something. Why didn’t you tell us though, reached out, said ‘it’s going so bad I’m considering going full Niall’?

This is the same Niall right, like, we’re both talking about the same Niall, yeah?

The one who’s just a bit… we don’t want to say it, but you know if scientists worked around the clock to make a person that gave life to the word ‘meh’. That Niall? The human personification of ‘meh’, Niall? Normally, we’d be willing to hear you out, but we can’t imagine you’re going to have a compelling case. He’s all elbows. And we’ve never not yawned when listening him talk about something. We’re not judgemental obviously, but you’ve gotta know we’re mentally judging you.

And like, have you talked to anyone else about this? We’re certain things can’t be that bad, really, you can turn things around. It’s not written in the law anywhere, like there’s no rules that say ‘if you settled for Niall, you have to stay with him’.

Honestly, we literally looked it up, because we were that confused by your interest in him. Is that you don’t think you’ve got anything going for you, ‘cus, no matter what, you’ll never be down at Niall level, let’s just clear that up for right now.

And the sex, is it…? Oh, right, good for Niall. Fair play, we suppose. But still, there’s plenty of fish in the sea who can do that sort of stuff, no?

Is it the name you like? ‘Cus I bet there’s even at least one Niall who isn’t this ya know. Maybe you need to take up a new hobby or switch careers. Whatever it is you’re clearly going through, all we’re saying is, Niall all of people, isn’t the answer. When you’re ready to really talk about what’s motivating this whole settle for Niall thing, we’ll be here, ready and waiting to listen.