Patriarchy Dumps 40 Tonnes Of Toxic Masculinity Into Sea Under Cover Of Darkness


ENVIRONMENTAL agencies claim to have evidence of an attempt by the patriarchy to dump as much as 40 tonnes of toxic masculinity into the sea, near a water treatment plant in the early hours of this morning.

The putrid substance which can be harmful to all women, men and children within a surrounding area of 400 miles if they are exposed to it, was, according to witnesses who have come forward, dumped at around 2.35am by people acting on behalf of the patriarchy.

“We believe the intention was to introduce it into an ecosystem in such a way that it was barely perceptible until a detailed study and examination of the area was conducted,” an Environmental Protection Agency spokesperson confirmed at a press briefing.

“The toxicity levels with this substance is off the charts, and contains a high concentration of misogyny, ‘you can’t say anything these days’, ‘what are they complaining about now’ and contained traces of a made up anecdotal story which implies women are craven, beastly things that should not be trusted,” confirmed the EPA spokesperson while holding up a vile of the vile substance.

Toxic masculinity when dumped into an ecosystem under these circumstances can go untraced for months, even years, as traditional tests of the water surface prove inconclusive.

CCTV footage along roads leading to the dump site confirms there were thousands of men, women and children who witnessed the truck containing the toxic substance drive towards a pier, but thought better of alerting anyone when several men threw barrels marked ‘toxic masculinity’ into the sea.