Harris ‘Sorry’ Everybody Getting Sick At The Same Time


THIS season’s Minister for Health, Simon Harris, has officially said sorry to patients for the fact they personally got sick at the same time, stating that he is committed to coasting through the situation as best he can.

Speaking with his mouth earlier today, Mr. Harris said he would like to miraculously cure all the 592 people currently left waiting on trolleys across the country and break the cycle of overcrowding in the health service for ever and ever.

“If only there was a way of predicting that people would be sick at this time of year, we could have organised extra staff and resources,” a statement read out by Mr. Harris began, “all I can do is say sorry to everyone that got sick at the same time and clogged up our hospitals, I was actually in the middle of researching cures for the flu, cancer and various other diseases, but this people being sick during winter thing really caught me, and everyone in the health department, off guard”.

The statement, part-penned by the government spin team, and labelled ‘Simon Harris Apoloblame Statement’, confirmed that the minister for health had met with senior people via a “teleconference” in the Health Department yesterday to talk about how they will talk about the overcrowding crisis.

“We’re verballing doing everything we can about this situation,” the statement went on, “we’ve even written this statement, officially stating that we’re doing everything we can, so we can’t really do much more than that, except for actually treating the sick people who all managed to get sick at the same time”.

Yesterday’s INMO figure of 677 patients waiting on trolleys represented a new record for the health service, a statistic unavailable to blame on any previous governments.