Guide To Slowly Becoming A Man City Fan While No One’s Looking
MANCHESTER CITY’S imperious march towards the Premier League title in stunning style may have given many once dedicated fans the urge to pack it all in and just admit that they’d much prefer to be a City supporter.
Luckily WWN Sport knows just how to do so without enduring slagging and teasing from friends who will mercilessly point out you were a supposed ‘die hard fan’ of Man Utd, Liverpool or whatever other teams people dress up as when shouting at the TV.
The start of the new year is a perfect time to attempt the seamless transition into a City fan while everyone is at the gym for the next few weeks.
Step one could be to slowly reduce your wearing of non-light blue colours, such as red.
Now that the wardrobe has had an overhaul, begin the process of talking less frequently about your team. This could see you reduce your Paul Pogba/Jordan Henderson/Tony Hibbert is the greatest player ever related talk by as much as 100%.
You think that last step will prove tough? Well making the transition to supporting Guardiola’s talented team will also require you to pretend to not be bothered about football at all. An all out ban on football talk will lead friends and acquaintances to forget about all your previous ‘this year will be our year’ talk.
Get new conversation topics, such as the fight for Catalan independence. Sow the subtle seeds. Become more cultured, drink red wine, cry at a sunset.
Now occasionally wear a turtleneck to social occasions. You’ll look fetching and urbane. Just like a certain Man City manager. Chuck in a three piece suit with a v-neck jumper for good measure.
Type ‘Kevin De Bruyne porn’ into your phone’s search history and make sure at least two dozen friends see you do it.
Quietly learn the Wikipedia entry for ‘tiki taka’ off by heart and brush up on nonsense like Aestheticism, XG and possession stats.
Purchase a Man City shirt, but don’t wear it yet. Just leave it around the house on the back of a chair when friends are visiting. Subtle subliminal messages will take root.
Slag off your now former team at least twice in one week.
All that’s left to do is to show up to the pub on the last weekend of the season in your City shirt and celebrate their title victory, acting like everything is perfectly normal.
Ideally, such a dramatic and drastic support shift would happen over millennia, much like coastal erosion or the evolution of human eyeball, but time isn’t on your side.