Jose Mourinho Admits He Hadn’t Planned On Meltdown & Sacking Until Next Season

MANCHESTER UNITED manager Jose Mourinho has revealed that he wasn’t planning on torpedoing his reign at Old Trafford until Christmas of next, but recent performances have forced him to bring that date forward.

“Never in my wildest dreams did I think my relationship with the players would deteriorate to the point of no repair until at least the start of next season,” explained Mourinho, before he arbitrarily picked out a player in the squad to accuse of ‘murdering my heart and soul’.

United loss to Huddersfield at the weekend capped a trio of recent performances which have left some United fans voicing their frustration at the team’s inability to create chances and play something called ‘football’.

However, Mourinho, who usually saves his tenure-ending meltdowns until his third season in charge of a club has decided now is as good a time as any.

“Football is a foreign country, and the board, and the fans, and the players, and Bobby Charlton have stolen my passport. I want to board the plane to goals and victories, but the runway is blocked with the mistakes of players I trusted with my life. I want a parachute, but there is not time even for an emergency landing,” Mourinho confirmed in a Sky Sports interview while searing a hole in Geoff Shreeves soul with an intense look.

“Sorry, there is more to this metaphor, but I thought I’d have until next season to work on it,” Mourinho added, not entirely sure what he’s saying himself at this point.

There was some solace for United fans as Liverpool’s loss to Spurs on Sunday means they aren’t the only ones who had their weekend ruined.