New Student Signs Up With 50 Socs He’ll Never Attend


A NEW student at UCD has spent his first week signing up for a wide range of clubs and societies, with many experts stating that he will either fail to attend or drop out of, between now and Christmas.

Carlow native Sean Guiney, who is about to begin his degree in business at the college, spent a number of hours browsing through the range of available socs at an open day event that occurred alongside his enrolment earlier this month.

With an avid interest in photography, films, computer games and craft beer, Guiney naturally enrolled in the photography soc, the film soc, the computer games soc and the drinking soc as well as dozens more, with soc experts speculating that the youth will probably stick with the drinking soc at best.

“Students often think that they’re going to have time for all this other shit, but then reality hits,” said one UCD soc expert.

“A fortnight down the road, and they all drop out one by one as the stresses of college life meet the stresses of drinking all night and dying all day. These young lads, they think they’re going to have time to meet up with people and discuss their interests… lads, when do you think you’re going to fit drug experimentation and weird sex into all that? Catch on”.

In total, 99.99% of people who sign up for college clubs and socs drop out within a month, with the remaining .01% being made up of real nerds.