Apple To Power Down All iPhone 7 Models Later This Evening


PUTTING into action a long rumoured plan, Apple Inc will deactivate all operational iPhone 7 models due to the fact the iPhone X is now available for compulsory purchase, WWN can reveal.

Informing customers to expect their iPhone 7, 7s and 7s Plus models of phones to stop working some time this evening, Apple executives have said they are willing to accept all the adulation and praise they deserve now they have taken people from their miserable lives which have no meaning and towards a new plane of joy which is contained within the recently announced iPhone X.

“Obviously we will be killing all iPhone 7 models in the coming hours because they are utterly pointless now that we have a new phone you must purchase,” an Apple spokesperson explained earlier today to the media via video link.

Customers had already reported reduced functionality with their iPhone 7s, with some batteries barely working anymore, however, this is the first official confirmation from Apple that they need you to buy the iPhone X when it is released because they worked very hard on it.

“It may frustrate some customers, but they will grow to understand we need more money and we’ve so many very iPhone Xs so we need you to buy them for $1,000, thank you,” read a brief press release from Apple HQ in California.

Asked about the fate of iPhone 6, 5, 4 and 3 models an Apple spokesman simply told WWN on the phone “don’t be silly, no one has those crappy models anymore, being caught with them is social suicide”.