RTÉ Launch “Ireland’s Next Top Garda”

THE hunt for the new Garda Commissioner is to be televised on RTÉ later this Autumn, in a glitzy reality-based TV extravaganza that will sift through hundreds of applicants in a bid to find ‘Ireland’s Next Top Garda’.

To be hosted by either Katherine Thomas or possibly Nicky Byrne, INTG will feature an initial station-by-station search, followed by a second stage where successful candidates are brought to the judges houses, to make sure they get on with the judges of Ireland and everyone knows ‘how things work’.

Controversially, RTÉ have confirmed that the search will reach out beyond Ireland, with a huge payout on offer to the person who seems most able to run An Garda Síochána while keeping a lid on the scandals that eventually forced the resignation of Nóirín O’Sullivan.

“Tasks assigned to candidates will include dealing with whistleblowers, keeping on the right side of politicians, and coming up with a ‘street value’ for seizures of drugs that sounds impressive,” said Minister for Justice Charles Flanagan, who will receive an executive producers credit for the show.

“At the end of the day, we’re just looking for someone who can come in and take charge of the Gardaí, whip them into shape for a few years, become overwhelmed with a few scandals and then quit with a huge pension pot. Then, we’re on to INTG series 2”.

Flanagan also confirmed that the show will receive millions and millions of viewers, ‘one way or another’.