Returning Schoolkids Just Glad To Be Out Of The Fucking House

CHILDREN across the country have embraced their return to school this week, following a summer spent listening to their parents complain and whine and incessantly whinge about everything for 12 straight weeks.

“Christ, it’s just nice to finally get a break from them,” sighed Jamie Kingham, 6, on his first day in senior infants.

“There’s only so much moaning and giving out that a kid can listen to. And then there’s the road trips, my Lord, the fucking road trips… why would you bring a 6-year-old anywhere there wasn’t a TV for four hours? Give me patience”.

As parents across the country wept openly at the gates of primary schools, kids in the playground embraced friends that they hadn’t seen for weeks and exchanged horror stories about excursions that they were forced to take with their parents over the summer.

“The amount of times they’d be like ‘oh, let’s go to the Natural History Museum, they’ll love that’… hello, have you met me?” said Paula Cahir, 7, to her friends.

“I like watching cartoons about talking ice-cream, what the fuck makes them think I’d like to go to a museum full of dead animals. Every-fucking-day it would be something else that they’d drag me to. Thank God school is back, that’s all I’ll say. Now, let’s get stuck into a nice bit of colouring in”.

The children we talked to have also stated that they’re ‘already dreading’ the upcoming mid-term break.