Varadkar’s Triathlon Marred By Presence Of Homeless People In Phoenix Park

It should have been a routine photo opportunity for the Taoiseach to showcase just how ‘cool’, ‘ace’, ‘class’ and ‘down with the young’uns’ he is but things took an unsavory turn for Leo Varadkar as he had the misfortune of cycling past a number of homeless people while completing the cycle portion of the Dublin City triathlon over the weekend.

Sources close to the Fine Gael leader described him as ‘shook’ but admitted a collective sense relief as media photographers refrained from taking photos that could be spun to highlight the disparity in fortunes between the haves and have nots that make up Ireland’s citizenry, instead preferring to take 4,000 photos of Varadkar in various states of exercise.

“Could you imagine the damaging context that would provide? Leo on a bike and a homeless lad being all homeless and that. The headlines could have read ‘get on your bike Leo, time to help ALL of society’ but thank Christ everyone just sort of thought better of it since we’re still revelling in everyone around the world thinking we’re sound for having a young leader who ticks a few nice boxes,” the source confirmed to WWN.

Authorities assured WWN that a number of homeless people who were residing in Phoenix Park at the time of the triathalon were given a stern talking to by the Taoiseach’s handlers and agreed to refrain in future from stumbling into the background a good photo opportunity for the Dublin TD and former Minister for Health.

“It’s a massive park for God’s sake, and if they’re looking for shelter there’s a good few trees that are out of the way of people who get up early in the morning to work. They should know better,” the source added.

Taoiseach Varadkar completed the triathlon in a time of 1 hour, 39 minutes and 36 seconds and marks the first time he has completed anything of note while serving in public office.