Nation Make Appeal To Dublin To Let Mayo Win This Time


IN the aftermath of Dublin’s commanding win against Tyrone, the council of Anyone But Dublin, made up of 31 counties not named Dublin convened an emergency meeting late yesterday evening and concluded they would appeal to The Dubs and ask them to let Mayo win this time.

“It’s not so much that we can’t stand you lot in Dublin, it’s more the fact that we can’t take feeling sorry for Mayo every year, it really bums us out, it’s getting really sad and pathetic,” read a joint statement from counties Antrim through Wexford.

“We get it, you’re the big boys with 7,000 players who could sleepwalk to the All-Ireland final, but do you really need another title to prove that? Just let Mayo have this one, what harm could it do?” the statement continued.

Far from being an elaborate ruse conducted by rival counties to stop Dublin achieving three in a row, the Anyone But Dublin coalition has confirmed that it is not good for their general happiness to have to sit through 70 minutes of Mayo’s soul being slowly crushed before a crescendo of tears ruins everyone’s Sunday.

“They think their curse is bad, but we’ve been saddled with the curse of having to sit through their heartache, it’s more depressing than an episode of Eastenders, followed by 9 hours of documentaries on the Nazis,” confirmed Anyone But Dublin.

Mayo were reluctant signatories of the appeal to Dublin, defiantly noting that they really felt this year would be different and that it was really ‘their year’ while adding ‘Mayo for Sam’ unconvincingly.