Budget Airline Complains About Budget Passengers

BUDGET carrier Ryanair has called for a crackdown on alcohol sales at British airports, claiming that the number of passengers arrested for drunken behaviour last year has increased by 50%, tarnishing the airlines impeccable reputation.

Europe’s biggest short-haul airline has proposed a ban on early morning sales of alcohol in bars and restaurants, as more and more people who like to drink on holidays realise they can travel to Ibiza for the same price as a pouch of Amber Leaf.

“At the moment we’re trialling chicken wire airbuses where we section off drunken passengers into a specially secured, seatless cabin for the duration of the flight and leave them to their own devices,” Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary explains, “but this isn’t ideal as we’ve already lost 145 people over the Pyrenees in July after one passenger thought it would be a great idea to open the emergency doors to leave out the cigarette smoke.

“Ideally, we don’t want budget passengers getting drunk on our budget airline anymore, ” he added, despite continuing to sell 330ml cans of beer and cider for €4.50 on all flights, 24 hours a day, “our cabin crew are not barmaids; they’re underpaid, undertrained skivvies on €19k a year and don’t need to listen to drunken working class people hell bent on having a good time on their one and only holiday of the year or lifetime”.

Police forces covering major UK airports reported a total of 387 arrests in the year to February 2017, compared with 255 in the previous 12 months, with the majority of those arrested admitting that Brexit forced them over the edge.