UN Peacekeepers To Solve Ongoing Dispute Between Dublin Drivers & Cyclists
AS tensions escalate between Dublin’s drivers and cyclists, Dublin City Council has enlisted the help of a UN peacekeeping envoy in a bid to avert an all out civil war.
Drivers, described by cyclists as homicidal bastards, have failed to see eye-to-eye with cyclists they describe as reckless pricks who have no respect for the rule of law, meaning this could be the UN’s toughest intervention in its history.
“I’ve only arrived in the last few minutes, but I’m aware of the enormity of the task as the last two people to hold my position both quit this morning after meeting the warring parties,” head of the UN’s Peaceful Solution Unit Lt. Frederick Flaubert explained to WWN.
The differences and disputes which regularly play out on the streets of Dublin City are of great concern to the council, government and the UN, prompting an envoy to be dispatched on the city’s streets as of this morning.
“We have solider manning pedestrian crossings and traffic lights to ensure cyclists remember they have to obey the same rules as drivers and not just break red lights where they see fit. Conversely, we have soldiers beating the ever living shit out of drivers who think they’re better than Lewis Hamilton just because they took a driving test once 20 years ago,” Lt. Flaubert added.
While attempts at establishing a lasting truce have only just begun, the UN remains hopeful everyone will cop on sooner rather than later.