Shocking Report Finds 11% Of Irish Foster Parents Are Cardboard Cutouts

A GOVERNMENT watchdog has found that a staggering 11% of Irish foster carers are actually two-dimensional cardboard cutouts and have little, if not any, experience in taking care of children.

HIQA, the independent authority that exists to improve health and social care services for the people of Ireland, said there may be as much as 60-70 children currently under the care of cardboard cutout foster parents, many being paid over €58,000 per child.

“We are not sure where exactly this money goes and how printed cardboard cutouts have managed to go under the radar for so long,” a spokesman for the watchdog read from the report, “miraculously, the majority of the children under cardboard cutout care have complemented their fake foster parents, with many reporting their stay has been the best they’ve had in their short lives”.

So far 23 children have been relocated since the report was published this morning, which also pointed to a serious lack of Garda vetting in the Mid-West region of the country, and the failure to allocate social workers to a growing number of fostering households.

“How are we supposed to vet 5mm pieces of paper?” one inspector pointed out, “we have no idea where these were printed or even who exactly the people in the images are”.

The HSE has said it will immediately act on the report and will send “a letter or two” out to foster care homes to check that everything is alright, and urged children who may be under the care of cardboard cutout parents to “give them a shout”.