Flies Just Taking The Piss At This Stage


WITH Ireland still in the throes of a full-on plague of flies, WWN has gained exclusive access to the irritating insect’s chief commander, who has admitted that they’re just having a bit of a laugh at this stage.

With concerns mounting worldwide about the decline in pollinating insects such as bees, there was slight relief earlier in the summer when flies and insects started appearing by the thousand all across the country.

But this relief soon turned to irritation, before then quickly turning to anger, as house after house filled up with huge houseflies, multiplying faster than they could be killed.

As people realised they were in the grip of a legitimate fly epidemic, WWN chatted to Mark Fly to see just what the insects want, and more importantly, when they’re going to go away.

“Lads, you should have seen your faces a week after we showed up,” laughed Fly, smashing himself against a window, “it was almost like you lot had truly forgotten what a fly was, and what we do. We’re flies! We fuck shit up! We crawl around your house and we gross you out. And you know why we do it? Because it’s gas! It’s just really funny to see you lot lose your shit over a creature that’s half the size of your fingernail. All we have to do is buzz around the gaff, and you lot freak out. It’s a riot!”.

Mr. Fly began to speak about his ambitions for the rest of the summer while circling sporadically under a turned off light bulb, giving us the opportunity to smash him into atoms with the back of an old DVD cover.