10 Pints To Griffindwarf! Just Because You Haven’t Read Harry Potter Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Post About It


IF YOU’RE in any way like the other 5 billion people on the planet with regular access to the internet, you can’t have escaped the joyous celebrations relating to the 20th anniversary of the first publication of the Harry Potter books.

With every strand of social media inundated with an outpouring of praise and gratitude for author JK Rowling, it could end up proving a long week for the few of us, who never knew what it was like to have been completely transported to the wonderful world of wizardry.

However, it says nothing in the rule book of social media etiquette that people should restrict themselves from commenting on things they know nothing about; I think we can all agree that is a terrible hypothetical world none of us want to live in.

So, you may be asking yourself ‘how can I get in on the Harry Potter action and secure myself some well earned likes and attention’ which at this point is as important as the oxygen we breathe. Why should you sit on the sidelines and just let people enjoy something they’re intensely passionate about, that you have shown no interest in until you saw it could get you a few likes on Facebook? Well, WWN is on hand to reveal a few options open to you, a major massive Harry Potter mega fan:

1) Just complain about what a pile of overrated shite you think Harry Potter

To see something so widely enjoyed and passionately embraced is enough to make some people hate it right on the spot, so why not flip convention on its head and shock the world with your unique take on the greatest series children’s books of the 21st century.

Like prediction: you could be looking at a solid 1-13 likes for this one as other people who weren’t arsed reading a as kid support your brave statement.

2) Throw enough shit at the wall until something sticks

With such a rich and densely populated literary world, the Harry Potter series presents you with a unique chance to sound like an expert while completely bluffing your way through the basics.

“10 pints to Griffindwarf” while complete nonsense, will not be immediately dismissed if you can back it up with another bluff about that time “Harry got smashed on Firewhisky during the great war of the wands and bought every Griffindwarf a pint”.

Like prediction: 17-66. This is the big time folks. Potter aficionados can’t afford to look like they don’t have a near encylodepic knowledge of the 7 books and so in an effort to ensure they don’t look like complete amateurs, they will heartily endorse your status with a like.

3) I got Hermoine in a quiz

You didn’t get Hermoine. You didn’t take a quiz. But that’s not important.

Like prediction: 5-12, you won’t be drowning in likes but it’ll be a nice endorphin rush all the same.

4) I always knew Gandalf was gay

Foolproof. No one can contest that while everyone else was reading the books for the heart racing journey and battle between good and evil, you were an emotionally astute enough to read the books on a deeper level, and intuit that Harry’s mentor Gandalf was indeed gay.

Like prediction: 100+, time to join the social media big leagues.