Ireland Wondering What It’s Done Wrong Not To Have Election Hacked By Russia


THE Irish political establishment has appealed to the Russian government for answers, as it was sensationally revealed today that Vladimir Putin did not ask his security services to intervene in any way in the Irish elections of 2016.

Said to be flabbergasted and offended, leading politicians came out in force today demanding an explanation for the stunning lack of interest in manipulating the democratic process in Ireland.

“Did we do something wrong?” President Michael D Higgins queried, noting the absence of any hacking by the Russian intelligence services of Irish political party’s email servers.

“Hey, we can do our bit on the international stage. We could pose a threat to Russia, you just have to ask us nicely,” read a rare joint statement from Fine Gael, Fianna Fáil and Sinn Féin, a clear effort on their part to become embroiled in the world of political espionage.

While Russia has failed to respond to questioning thus far, it has been accepted by many experts that with Ireland posing no existential threat to Russia, carrying out hacking on a neutral nation just isn’t ‘sexy enough’.

“Do you want us to criticise your presence in Syria, we can condemn your human rights abuses, your mistreatment of homosexuals, your imprisoning of political opponents, just tell us what you want,” the letter from Ireland’s largest parties concluded.