9 Things To Do In Ireland This Week If You’re Broke As Fuck


IF you are one of the thousands of people eagerly counting down the days until pay day, you may be wondering what you can do to amuse and entertain yourself as your bank balance hovers lower than Barry White’s baritone.

1) Netflix

Why not investigate if it is possible to watch 90 hours of Netflix this week after work every evening without causing permanent damage to your eyeballs. Depending on how far you’re trying to stretch the last few euros you have, you may have already cancelled your Netflix account, but you can always ask a friend or family member for their password.

2) Look at all the things you’re missing out on

Ooh, Arcade Fire are playing this week. That looks like that could have been great. Some half decent movies in the cinema too. Why not while away the hours by looking up what you could do, if you had the extra cash. Aw shit, there’s like 15 gin festivals on this week too.

3) Test gone off food in cupboards

Tactically running through what combinations of food stuffs you currently have in your house could be mushed together to make a meal, maybe even two. Well, why not turn it into a fun game and/or some much needed scientific research: can you cause yourself some serious damage by eating beans dated best before October 2015?

4) Habitually check your bank balance, hoping it will change

That agonising dread, constantly worrying about how fucking broke you are can actually help you pass the time before your next pay check. Why not check your bank balance repeatedly in the hope it will change. The time will fly by.

5) Carefully follow every utterance for the soon-to-be Taoiseach, just in case he talks about cutting child benefit

Taoiseach-in-waiting Leo Varadkar has been vocal about welfare cheats, which got you thinking, what other welfare payments does he hold an inherent dislike of? Maybe it’s child benefit, and what with the kids needing new uniforms and books this summer, you could pass the time by studiously following his every word just to make sure he isn’t coming for you next.

6) Just keep reading

His Fine Gael election wasn’t as empathic as he had hoped, so maybe his desire to clamp down on people becoming billionaires from welfare payments might be curbed by the core membership. But then again, it might not. Just check your income again, just to be safe, and give some serious consideration to maybe not eating for a few months, you should be grand after that.

7) Try and break your masturbation record you set in your teenage years

Depending on how out of control your hormones were when you were a teen, this could see you through until pay day no bother whatsoever. Best case scenario you’re kept occupied across multiple pay days; a great way to save money.

8) See how much kidneys are going for on Done Deal

You’ve two of them, right?

9) Go out for a walk

We know, sounds shit to us too.