Man Delighted With Self After Giving Call-Centre Staff A Good Fucking Off

ONE Dublin man is feeling particularly pleased with himself after an 8-minute phone conversation with a call-centre employee, to whom he administered ‘a hell of a fucking off’ to over the state of his broadband connection.

Simon Kearns, 35, gave Makim Hamala, 23, ‘an unmerciful bollocking’ over the fact that Kearns’ Wi-Fi signal in his upstairs bedroom isn’t as strong as it is in the sitting room of his home in Swords, Co. Dublin, in an 8-minute onslaught that was most certainly recorded for training purposes.

Laying the failings of a multi-billion euro communications company squarely on the shoulders of a call-centre worker earning well below minimum wage, Kearns emerged from the conversation with a fresh sense of self-importance, and spent the rest of the day feeling like a total badass.

“Yeah, so I told him that I wasn’t paying 90 quid a month to see a fucking buffering symbol when I’m watching Netflix in bed,” said Kearns, replaying the conversation in full to his pals in the pub later that evening.

“You could tell he was just trying to stick to the script that they give you in call-centres, and that for the sake of his job he couldn’t retaliate or tell me to fuck off or anything like that. So that just gave me the perfect opening to really reef the poor bastard out of it, really grind him down. That’ll teach him to take a job with a company that install poor quality modems two continents away”.

At time of print, Kearns’ Wi-Fi is still shaky at best, which may lead to him giving someone else an even bigger, far more vicious fucking off tomorrow.