Temperatures Set To Hit ‘Few Cans In The Park’ Levels


MET ÉIREANN has cautioned the public that weather could hit unprecedented ‘few cans in the park’ levels throughout the country at some point today, WWN can confirm.

While Met Éireann urged the public to apply sun cream to avoid the risk of sunburn, it also warned of the overwhelming urge to pop into the nearest off licence, grab hold of a few cans and then give your friends a call and convince them to meet you in the park.

“We’ve already had reports of office workers vacating their desks and heading to the nearest patch of green. We’re talking men in suits sitting on a grass laden Dublin City path with a six pack of Dutch Gold. That’s how severe our warning is, the urge to just be hanging out with the boys, the lads, the gang or the girls, is too strong,” Met Éireann’s head of Few Cans Prevention Unit Michael McCormac.

Officials at Met Éireann are on edge, as this is the first few cans in the park warning they have had to issue so far this year, an occasion which can always prove troublesome.

“There won’t be a top seen on a body from Malin to Mizen, and there’s always the fear that people might never put them back on. Just thinking about the translucent skin now is making me want to get sick,” explained Micheal McCormac whose knees buckled underneath him as he fainted.

There has been an 86% increase in groups of people reclining on grass before proclaiming ‘you can’t beat a can in the sunshine, huh?’ in the last hour alone.