Lovin’ Waterford: We Check Out This Hunger Strike-Inspired Bistro
EATING in restaurants has become too mainstream. Every restaurant you enter has at least one edible thing to sell you; we at WWN are totals over dat ting. We want something cooler. A restaurant experience that you and your slum dwelling mates couldn’t possibly hope to live through. Enter the newest 5-star bistro in town; H-Bloc.
Inspired by Jesus or some shit like that, H-Bloc treats diners to something that no other eatery can offer; genuine hunger. Because H-Bloc, well, it doesn’t have any food.
At all.
AT. ALL.
How fucking awesome is that?!
Under advice that the best way to enjoy this trendy new pad was to head to it as hungry as possible, we laid off the snacks last Saturday and booked ourselves in for a table. Well, we say table, it was more like a crude metal framed cot screwed to the bare concrete floor of the dystopian space which makes up H-Bloc.
Sensing a curious aroma that we couldn’t quite put our fingers on, we waited as a waiter dressed as an RUC officer walked up to us and punched us as hard as he could in the face, muttering something at us about how we were fenian scum. We have the selfies. We’re pissing blood out of our noses. Amaze.
First course, never came. Neither did our mains, or indeed dessert.
Starving, we weakly noticed someone standing over us, pleading with us to eat something.
No… we are not restaurant customers. We are hip young foodies, here to experience the trendiest non-eating experience in Ireland. We’re not spoiling that by having a chop. You can’t make us. Fuck off.
Please, please eat something, they pleaded.
We huddled in our serviettes, shivering in the cold. The AC was fuckin’ pumping.
Having turned down food for the entirety of our three hour stay at H-Bloc, we were given a free t-shirt and our names were put on a wall. All told, not a bad way to spend a Saturday night and 97 euro apiece. What were you doing? Eating Dominos while watching Britain’s Got Talent? Christ, you’re just a terrible person.