WWN Beauty: This Concealer Will Hide The Shame Of Your Sex Life, You Harlot


LADIES! Although your current concealer may be good enough to cover up all the flaws in your appearance that the cosmetic industry has told you that you need to get rid of in order to have any sort of self worth, it can’t get rid of your most grievous blemish; your disgusting sexual history.

Luckily for you, you harlot, Skimmeliene have released a revolutionary new product called Virginallity, a remarkable concealer that can cover up everything from that fling you had last summer on holidays, to the one night stand you had with some lad you met in a nightclub last week.

The shame-covering effects of Virginallity will help to make even the most sexually enthusiastic young woman look demure, making them instantly more likely to attract a husband that will rescue them from living a life where they continue to kid themselves about being happy.

“Look at them crawling around out there, the filthy little beasts,” said David Cormoran, CEO of Skimmeliene.

“Foul trollops, the lot of them! A good shellacking in my incredible new Virginallity concealer may not save their eternal souls from damnation, but at least it will mask their shame while they walk this earth. All I need for launch is a slick advertising campaign, with a short animated bit in the middle showing a woman’s skin, covered in sexual filth, which is then covered by my product. A few grand to the right media outlets, and suddenly my product will be flying off the shelves!”

Cormoran has also outlined plans for the inevitable backlash towards his product, with a social media campaign ready to dismiss any women that complain as ‘lesbians and spinsters’.