Last Known Henry Hippo Dies In Captivity


ANIMAL rights activists have issued an outpouring of emotion following the death in captivity of the last known Hippopotamus Ulsterbankus, more commonly known as Henry the Hippo.

The Henry species of Hippo, recognisable by his mottled brown skin tone and belly full of small change, was discovered in the mid-eighties in Northern Ireland.

Although at one time the entirety of Ulster and much of the rest of Ireland played home to droves upon droves of the friendly creatures, Henry Hippo began to die off following the struggles faced by his key benefactor, Ulster Bank.

As the bank closed more and more of its branches throughout the country, including the threat of closure for up to 30% of its branches in the Republic, Henry Hippo’s natural habitat shrank year after year, until the creature eventually became extinct.

“The last remaining Henry Hippo has passed away in the Craigavon home of a woman who had him since she was nine,” read a statement from the World Wildlife Fund.

“Once again, we witness man’s greed destroying the lives of a peaceful wild animal; stripping it from the things it needs to survive, such as a working financial institution that can spare the time to make and manufacture more Henry Hippos, and people who need somewhere to store their coppers. There hasn’t been this big an impact on financial wildlife since First National killed off all those beehives”.

Henry Hippo is survived by his distant relative, Henry Hoover.