Record Number Of Naive First Time Buyers Applying For Tractor Mortgages


DESPITE observing the harsh and crushing lessons many home buyers from a previous generation have learned after struggling to pay off their mortgages, an increasing number of first time buyers, desperate to own a home of their own, are applying for tractor mortgages.

Labelled ‘naive’, ‘stupid’ and ‘thick as shit’ by some experts, record number of first time buyers have insisted they go into the mortgage application process with far more knowledge than those that went before them.

“We’ve seen what can happen when perhaps people didn’t read and the T and Cs, and didn’t dot all the i’s and cross their t’s. Trust us when we say we thought long and hard before applying for a tractor mortgage,” explained one couple who believe their mortgage application will be accepted with little fuss.

Some financial experts have had to spend hours explaining to defiant mortgage applicants that ‘tractor mortgages’, which are believed to be nothing like a variable-rate mortgage, also known as a tracker mortgage, do not actually exist and that they may just be a little confused and naive.

“That’s nonsense, just give myself and my unemployed husband the €700,000 and let us get on with building our dream home on a notorious flood plain. You know, the banks have learned nothing since the boom days, and to think we pay their wages with the bailout,” one mortgage applicant shouted in the direction of an AIB branch.

In other news the Nation’s banks have not ruled out granting record numbers of tractor mortgages which will then be sold on to American vulture funds.