5 Deadly Diseases Caused By Sitting Too Close To The TV

DEADLIER than cigarettes, alcohol and heroin combined, the average household television set is the root cause of countless illnesses.

In association with the HSE, the Mothers Association of Ireland (MAI) has recently released the top five ailments acquired by sitting too close to a TV, as well as tips on how to avoid them.

1) Cancer

The light coming from a TV screen is highly carcinogenic according to the MAI, a problem exacerbated by sitting too close to the screen. The effects are deadliest when the TV is first turned on, with rubbing your arm on the screen to feel the static described as being as bad as ‘a picnic in Chernobyl’.

Solution: don’t sit so close to the TV

2) Blindness

How can young eyes possibly cope with light emitting from a TV screen? They can’t, which is why blindness is rife among those who sit too close to the telly. The average child can go blind in five minutes if exposed to TV light… that’s what happened to Helen Kellar, according to mothers all across Ireland.

Solution: don’t sit so close to the TV

3) AIDS

Sitting too close to the telly skips you right over HIV and straight into full blown AIDS, followed swiftly by pneumonia, respiratory failure, and death. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Solution: don’t sit so close to the TV

4) Weil’s disease

You thought you only got this from rats urine? Nope. TV.

Solution: don’t sit so close to the TV

5) Zika

See that Rory McIlroy? Didn’t want to go to the Olympics last year because he wanted to avoid Zika. Stayed at home and watched it on telly. Sat too close. Guess what? Zika.

Solution: don’t sit so close to the TV