First Corpse Removed From White House In Rolled-Up Carpet


WHO had 21 days? Sources monitoring the White House has announced that the body of a currently-unknown person was removed from the premises last night rolled up in a carpet with only the feet sticking out, before being loaded into the back of a black SUV and vanished into the Virginia countryside by the Secret Service.

In news that some people had described as ‘inevitable’, the suspicious activity basically confirms that at some stage between yesterday morning and yesterday afternoon, someone entered the White House as a living, breathing person and left in a less alive, more dead manner.

With only the feet of the deceased visible, sources have estimated that the dead person is almost certainly a woman, due to the presence of high heels and stockings.

Reports that a strong smell of urine was detected from the rug have yet to be confirmed, but experts are confident that the liquid seen leaking from the material ‘certainly wasn’t Pepsi’.

“If I was a guessing man, then what we have right here is some sort of piss-related sex game gone terribly wrong,” said one man who watched the entire sordid affair unfold as he walked his dog.

“Young lady, White House, Trump, piss everywhere, it gets a bit out of hand, Secret Service step in to clear up the mess. Rug, van, drive, dig, bury, back to the White House in just over an hour. They won’t be happy with that time, but I’d imagine they’ll have plenty of opportunities to improve on it over the next four years”.

Although the White House has yet to comment on the matter, a new rug was delivered to the Oval Office earlier today.