Local Man Had Sex Last Night

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STRUTTING into work with all the confidence of Ryan Gosling in a well-tailored suit, one Waterford based building supply worker was happy to share the fact he had ‘the sex’ last night with anyone who would listen.

Peter Boland, 37, took to loitering around the canteen of Macken Building Supplies asking anyone and everyone if they had a ‘romantic Valentine’s Day’ in the hope that he would get to regale them of the tale of his sexual intercourse with his wife – secured after the successful purchase of some Ferrero Rocher and a sustained period of nagging.

“Well, did ya get lucky then?” Boland asked coworker after coworker while raising his eyebrows suggestively and giggling like a schoolgirl who had just sucked the life out of a helium balloon.

Careful not to make it seem like he didn’t have sex all the time, 24-hours a day, Boland practiced how he would inform people in his head, keen to master a relaxed delivery.

“Sorry I showered three times, but you can probably smell all the sex off me, ‘cus I had some… last night… some sex,” Boland shared without being prompted by anyone.

“Ah, sure you know yourself, no different from any night. By which I mean I have sex all the time and so, talking about having sex last night isn’t really a big deal, because you see, I have it all the time. Like, two or three times a month,” Boland shared, effortlessly avoiding sounding like a man who was on cloud nine after the biannual re-consummation of his marriage.

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