Bird Flu The Absolute Least Of Your Worries Right Now


AN AMAZING number of people around the world are still concerned about Avian flu, despite having as many as 600 things that are much worse than that to worry about at the minute.

The disease, also known as HN58 to its friends, hit the headlines yesterday following its fifth confirmed case in Ireland in recent weeks.

Fatal in birds and transferable to humans, the disease causes severe flu-like symptoms that would ‘feel like a birthday present’ when compared to some of the other things that could possibly happen to you over the next year.

Jim Starling, chief spokesperson for the Avian Flu Awareness Association, took to social media to assure people that they are far more likely to die at the boot of an invading Russian soldier or ‘like a big nuclear fireball or something’ than to catch a cold from a duck.

“Seriously, how do I still have a job,” wondered Starling in disbelief.

“It must be a slow news day somewhere when they’re talking about bird flu. Seriously, invest your time and effort into something else, Christ knows there’s plenty to be worrying about elsewhere. Think about your families, and your future. The geese are grand, trust me”.