Sunderland Fans Holding Out Hope For Purchase Of Brand New Squad Of Players


DESPERATE Sunderland fans are experiencing what many experts believe is an episode of mass hysteria after a number of diehard supporters admitted to harbouring the fanciful dream of a last minute purchase of 23 ‘non-shit players’.

Despite being completely aware of the club’s recent history and the increasingly depressing demeanour of their manager David Moyes, Sunderland fans remain hopeful of a swoop for 1,2 or 23 new, relegation-proof signings.

“Just think what Michael Keane, Arturo Vidal, Harry Kane on loan and 4 players from the Spanish league we’ve never heard of could do for the squad morale,” pondered one man who appeared to be a dose of hope more potent than any current strand of LSD on the market.

“We’re fighting relegation, if the board were smart they would have gone in for Dimitri Payet,” the fan added, who had lost all connection to reality.

Despite David Moyes passing journalists a loaded gun and asking members of the press to put him out of his misery seconds after signing Darron Gibson and Brian Oviedo, Sunderland fans remain characteristically upbeat.

“If I’m forced to watch another Sunderland game this season, I’m going to gouge out my eyeballs and eat them so no surgeon can return my sight to me. You can’t make me watch John O’Shea try to run again, you can’t,” another fan screamed.

Meanwhile, Sky Sports have responded to many football fans who display a growing seen of apathy towards the overblown spectacle that is transfer deadline day by confirming Jim White will be shot out of a canon into a pit of poisonous snakes after each and every confirmed transfer deal that is completed before 11pm.

Sky Sports also declined to break out the big touch screen, journalists or their enthusiasm for any coverage of the ongoing inquiry into child abuse within English football.