Trump Reinstates Ducking Stool

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“DOES it work? Listen, I’ve talked to a lot of historians, okay, the best historians, and they’ve all told me that when it comes to dealing with women, okay, the ducking stool was very effective,” said President Donald Trump earlier today, outlining his plans for solving women’s rights issues over the duration of his term in office.

“So effective. Ask them, they’ll tell you. Women go into the water full of opinions and vitriol, okay, and when they come out, they’re willing to play ball”.

The conference was called following remarks made by President Trump relating to the use of tortures such as waterboarding when interrogating people, at which the Donald insisted that he sees no issue with using controversial techniques to extract information from suspects.

Trump went on to state that when it comes to unruly women such as the millions who took to the streets in protest against him following his inauguration, the 18th-century ‘ducking stool’ could be brought back to deal with them.

“It’s a chair on a pole, okay, and the woman gets tied to it, and into the water she goes,” said Trump, getting visibly excited.

“It’s super effective. Really, really effective. They used to use it for all uppity women who didn’t know when to keep their mouths shut. And let me tell you, we’ve got a few of them today, right? I feel we’ve got women who don’t know their place, we’ve got chairs, we’ve got rivers… I say we make this happen”.

Legislation to reinstate the ducking stool is to be brought in front of a panel of ten hand-picked men later today, who are unlikely to vote against it.

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