Loan Shark Sightings At Irish Beaches Up By 80%

THE news that as many as 60% of Irish people borrow money in order to pay their household bills has been followed up by even more disturbing news concerning the prevalence of loan sharks on Irish shores, WWN can reveal.

Lifeguards operating on Irish beaches have confirmed that sightings of predatory loan sharks have risen by as much as 80% in recent years, meaning many people considering dipping their toes in the water could be ravaged by the insatiable hunter.

“They seem to swim up close to young couples with a couple of kids, they don’t even need to sniff any blood. They’re just attracted to them,” explained Geoff Healy, one lifeguard we spoke to.

“The next day loan shark is even more deadly and we’d encourage any person that catches sight of one to leave the water immediately and seek help,” he added.

The next day loan shark is not native to Irish waters, but in recent years a change in currents has seen many of the shark species migrate from the UK.

“They like the waters here, people tend to swim out of their depth and they prey on that,” Healy confirmed, “we’ve seen some people emerge from the water with black eyes, broken arms, it’s awful stuff and no one seems to be doing anything to stop it”.

WWN spoke to one next day loan shark who refutes all charges levelled against his kind.

“We’re just here to help people, and charge them a 1400% interest rate,” the shark said, careful to hide his sharp teeth.